The Preschool years
Somewhere between transitioning from diapers to underwear, cribs to beds and 5-point harnesses to booster seats – emerges the preschooler! And like the toddler stage – their growth continues to soar. Most notably is their ongoing pursuit of independence and autonomy – and more and more protests for mommy’s help! For many, this is sometimes a sad milestone because it really marks the end of ‘babyhood’! But for many others, it is a welcomed period and one that in many ways marks the beginnings of easier days! In either situation, it is a normal and expected milestone and whether we are excited or a bit saddened, our reactions are very important.
For parents and caregivers, the transition from toddlerhood to preschool age presents many unforeseen challenges. No longer able to rely on the physical and intellectual ‘speed bumps’ associated with our toddler’s limitations to independent-seeking behaviors, our preschool child becomes more resourceful when rising to the challenge of whatever it is they are seeking. Whether it is dragging a kitchen stool over to climb up for a bag of cookies, scaling a bookshelf for a box of crayons or DVD or finally achieving the strength to pull open the refrigerator doors! It puts true definition in the old saying… “If there’s a will, there’s a way!”
Parenting 101
For many parents and caregivers, these years of social and environmental curiosity are often handled by different parenting ‘philosophies’ – two of which are probably the most common – or ‘general’ to most parenting styles today. The first, often referred to as an “authoritarian style” of parenting is that of resistance to many independence-seeking behaviors that our young children often exhibit, and making them a true battle of the wills – who will ‘out-wit,’ and ultimately ‘out-last?’ Their approach to some of these scenarios might be to hide the cookies in a different, harder-to-reach spot, or put the crayons and DVDs out of the view of curious eyes. With authoritarian style of parenting, there is a one-sided emphasis on enforcing rules, and unquestioned obedience expected from the child (2).
The second approach is a more flexible style, one that embraces the “challenges” set by each advancing stage of development. This isn’t some ‘new-age’ parenting skill that gives our 4-year olds free reign of the house. This philosophy, referred as an “authoritative* style” of parenting, uses techniques such as active listening, providing choices and encouraging decision-making. By setting clearly defined expectations (or ‘rules’) parents of authoritative styles explain why they are important: why grazing on cookies all day long isn’t healthy, why the safety latches are on the doors under the kitchen sink, and why climbing up on bookshelves can be very dangerous. In turn, determining the appropriate consequences for ‘breaking’ the rules are more often understood and accepted by the child. ( 1,2). Let’s face it – the single word ‘no’ loses its effect really fast, and with an authoritarian style of parenting, our curious preschooler may easily take the quick fork in the road and head down the path of being sneaky – potentially the early beginnings of a wide range of negative behaviors later on in life (1,2).
Parenting styles are especially crucial when continuing on the road to building healthy habits and relationships with food. No longer able to physically keep kids out of the refrigerator or cupboards, being able to effectively communicate with why there isn’t an ‘all-you-can-eat buffet’ of snack items at their whim can make a huge impact on their continued abilities to monitor and control their own intake of particular food items throughout life.
Roadblocks and Solutions: Authoritarian Parenting vs. Authoritative* Parenting
| Potential Nutritional Roadblock | Hypothetical situation: | Authoritarian Parenting Response | Authoritative Parenting Response | Discussion |
| Excessive Snacking | Little Timmy caught with a handful of cookies one hour after his scheduled afternoon snack. | Immediate consequence/punishment: “Get on the naughty step!” “Time out!” or “Go to your room!” etc. An explanation as to why this action is wrong may be justified as: “That is naughty behavior!” or “You just had a snack!” or “You broke the rules.” However, the ability for the child to respond as to why he or she broke the rules is not often encouraged. | Immediate dialog with the child to allow them the ability to explain their actions before consequence or punishment. The parent may ask: “Why are you eating cookies? You just had your afternoon snack,” and then allowing the child the ability to respond… which could be anything: “I’m still hungry,” or “I saw somebody eating cookies on TV,” or even “I don’t know.” Authoritative parenting may decide whether or not this action is worthy of a punishment – after all, if little Timmy really was hungry, then that shouldn’t be grounds for punishment. In this particular hypothetical situation, the parent may choose to adjust the snack schedule, add more choices, increase portion size – etc. And even put a new consequence in place if this behavior should happen again…”next time, I would appreciate it if you would ask me first. If you don’t …” | Many times we parent the way we were parented. And in many cultures, authoritarian styles are quite common. Research has shown that authoritarian parents are 5 times more likely to have an overweight child than authoritative parents (1). This may be due to the inflexibility of ‘set rules.’ With authoritative styles, being able to validate a child’s input – whether or not he or she broke the rules – builds self-esteem, trust and communication skills. It also fosters a closer, more honest and warmer parent-child relationship (2). With this particular example, authoritative parents may learn that their preschoolers growing needs require more calories, and that portions sizes at snack time may need to be increased. Or, communicate to their child that eating while watching TV is an unhealthy habit because it makes it hard to “listen to our bodies when we’ve had enough to eat.“ Consequences and punishments associated with authoritative parenting techniques tend to be better understood and accepted by the child. |
| Inability to control their intake | Mealtime battles. | “You can’t have dessert until you finish your dinner.”
“You can’t leave the table until you finish your broccoli.” |
“Have you had enough to eat? Good listening to your body!”
“You don’t have to finish your broccoli, but I would like you to just have one bite.”
“If you are too full to eat any of the nutritious food offered at supper, than how can you have room for dessert?”
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Authoritative parenting styles appear to be more responsive and encouraging to their child’s internal feeding cues (!), while the controlling practices associated with an authoritarian style encourage the ‘over-riding’ of internal satiety cues. Authoritarian styles also create negative associations with healthy foods – such |
| Associations with unhealthier food items, or ‘Junk food’ | Forbidding, denying, discouraging – all without a clear understanding by the child as to ‘why’.
Other authoritarian-style parenting types, who choose to have junk food in the house, may often “police” such desired food items. Examples of this would include placing certain ‘desired’ food items in hard-to-reach places, or hiding foods altogether. If ‘caught’ with a forbidden treat, children of authoritarian-style parents are often punished for breaking the rules. |
Authoritative parents do not necessarily subscribe to the cart-blanche approach to junk food either – however, their approaches on how to handle ‘junk food’ tend to be far less controlling. If junk food is allowed in the home, a varying degree of autonomy is exercised with its intake (1). Dialog about “why” moderation should be exercised is greatly embraced by authoritative parenting styles. Examples of this might include: “Let’s maybe choose something else for your afternoon snack than gummy treats. You’ve already had some today, and too many aren’t good for your teeth.” This may be far more effective than even: “No. You’ve already had some today.” You can still be an authoritative-style parent and choose not to have junk food in your cupboards and refrigerator. Communicating “why” this is with your child (at any age) is imperative to building healthy relationships with food. Honesty is the best policy! Describing some of the negative impacts of over-consumption can be very beneficial to your child at any age. Use examples such as “Those types of cookies taste really yummy in your mouth, but once you swallow them, they aren’t good for our bodies. They don’t help our muscles to grow strong or might make cavities in our teeth, which hurt. But once in a while they are okay.” This may make moderation easier to accept. Simply pretending snack food doesn’t exist can lead to the inability of self-control over specific ‘junk food items’ later on in life (1).
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As stated before during different stages of development, obesity is the result of various influences that include genetic, environmental and behavioral. Whether or not you and your family can live in ‘harmony’ among health food and ‘junk’ food is a slippery slope. But by being consistent in your message – and keeping an open communication about what that message is – will help keep your child on track for healthy habits and relationships with food and eating. |
EMBRACING THEIR CURIOSITY
As early as they ‘developmentally’ are able, engaging your child with all types of “hands-on” food preparation not only provides fun activities, but also peaks their interest in cooking, encourages independence and self-esteem and can even encourage the intake of healthy food items.
Traditionally, kids are first (and sometimes only) introduced to baking – cookies, cup cakes, etc. But what many parents unknowingly realize is that children favorably receive the interactions with all types of foods. At the preschool age, this is a perfect time to start including them in certain “meal responsibilities” at suppertime: teaching them how to set the table (maybe mom can handle the glass ware for the time being!) – but folding napkins, placing placemats and forks. Even making individual place cards can be a great way to bring your child into the kitchen and may even create structure and some harmony during this “witching hour” of the day – when exhausted moms struggle to get supper on the table!
Other great activities to safely involve your preschooler in the preparation of healthy foods is by having them create their own “salad” – allowing them to tear lettuce, snap peas, separate broccoli florets and count cherry tomatoes offer safe food handling practices and exposure them to very healthy foods. Studies show that when children are involved in healthy food preparation, their intake is greater (3).
Note:
* Because ‘Authoritarian’ and ‘Authoritative’ are easy to confuse, we chose to differentiate authoritative by italicizing “tive” and setting it apart for easier recognition.
1. J. Savage, et. al. “Parental Influences on Eating Behavior: Conception to Adolescents,” The Journal of Law Medicine & Ethics (2007) 35:22
2. Barbara Frazier, “The Successful Parent: Assessing your parenting type” http://www.thesuccessfulparent.com/articles/styles.htm
3. Isaacs JS. “Nutrition for the Preschool Child,” Clinical Manual of Pediatric Nutrition, The American Dietetic Association, 2007; 73-81